Columns
Below are some of Dave's old newspaper columns and online articles. Most of the columns were previously published (for free) in the Pontypridd Observer. Dave's new columns and other random stuff will appear in his new blog - Ponty Zen. But to take a trip down amnesia lane click the links below:
Wales to Win World Cup! | Ponty's New Development
Cuts, Cuts And More Cuts | Tweens | The Times They Are A Changin' | To Haka Or Not To Haka
Autumn Woe | The 5th Region | Tourism Ponty Style | Greening Our Towns | Pool For Thought
Land Glorious Land | Committees | Fishing For Success | The Master Plan | Johnny's Bike
Ducks In A Row | Pushing Ponty | Where Have All The Students Gone? Far, Far Away
Christmas Shopping |
Wales, Wales, Wales | I Had A Dream | Samhain |
Merging On The Ridiculous
Wales to Win World Cup!
What a
difference a year makes eh? I’ll be the first to admit it. After the
last Six Nations and autumn internationals I thought Wales were in for a
tumping in the 2011 Rugby World Cup.
Injuries to our British Lions front row, players mistaking the blindside for a black hole and a scrum half whose passing is so bad I bet most burger bar bouncers would do a better job!
And so I assumed we’d be bashed by the Boks, squashed by Samoa, not to mention … **** by Fiji.
But… hold the press. Then came a narrow loss to England and the fact players would be freed from their under-achieving, badly coached regions and I did a complete three point turn. I then confidently predicted we’d beat England and the Pumas and make the quarter-final only to lose to the Aussies.
Ah, but Ireland had other ideas of course. Now we are on the verge of something very special. True we are only one game away from flying home but now there is real belief in the camp. Belief we can beat the Irish, and absolute belief that we can hammer a chaotic French team or a drunken, lying, cheating England team whose only hope in this RWC is to escape the Tower on their imminent return with their tails between their legs. I mean, if Contemponi hadn’t gone off they would have been down and out after the first game the jammy subjects.
And what if… just dream for a minute… a final against the Aussies, Boks or New Zealand. OMG, someone ring Peaches Geldof, Dan Carter is out with a groin strain. That means Henry and Co. will be held 100% responsible and forced to flee the country by an angry nation fed up with choking on foreign lamb.
So, the Aussies or the Boks then? Now I’m sure Wales would love another crack at the Dutchmen and we also know the Aussies are beatable too. One thing is certain. We’ll never get another chance like this.
What are the odds I hear you say? Well, Wales were 80-1 to lift the cup at the beginning of the tournament, now they are 15-1. Now that is certainly worth betting a golf buggy on.
Ponty's New Development
Whilst campaigning on the Pontypridd Town web site –
www.pontytown.co.uk for a truly sustainable development for the town
centre for over 13 years I have to say I welcome the progress being made
by the council although I wish it had been able to secure more funding
and been a little bit more creative, nay radical even.
The council statement that this new development will be ‘…worth over
£75m…’ and ‘…one of the biggest investment packages ever seen in south
Wales…’ is slightly misleading when you consider £50 million is from
Sainsbury and £10 million is from Arriva trains, so that leaves just £15
million. This is match funded with European & WAG money so the
actual council investment is very much lower.
If you compare this to our ‘poor’ University of Glamorgan, just a mile
down the road, who are due to invest over £130 million in facilities and
campuses then as Paul Daniels said ‘it’s not a lot’. But I guess beggars
can’t be choosers in these tough economic times.
The statement mentions ‘countless’ jobs and ‘countless economic
opportunities’. I must say this is most welcome but we really could do
with counting them, otherwise 3 million unemployed from all over the UK
will want to move here if they are truly ‘countless’. As for economic
opportunity, I don’t see any opportunity if rents are high or if
property is not for sale. No-one would think about starting a business
under those conditions and so properties must be made available and/or
rents fixed low.
I totally agree that the natural setting is beautiful – in fact I’d go
further and say that Pontypridd has one of the most beautiful natural
settings in the UK. The problem of our transport system is still there
though. The new road system has been problematic since it opened and
no-one seems to know why the slip-road at Glyntaf was closed? It is not
too close to the Ponty slip-road as speed limits could be put in place
on the A470 as have been done on the A48 approaching the Heath hospital.
This might be looked at in future perhaps?
As for the new streetscape – so far the pavements are a disgrace,
covered in chewing gum and dirt already and nowhere near finished so
hopefully they’ll be easy to clean up. I see there is no mention of the
‘poetry’ being collected at the moment to inlay into Taff Street, maybe
fear of the taxpayers comparing this endeavour to our ‘red thing’ on the
roundabout as most locals call Unity?
As for revitalising commercial properties – what a great idea, as long
as small and medium businesses are getting the money first and not just
the larger property owners. In fact larger companies and property owners
should have been forced by the council to tidy their properties up a
long time ago. Take the run-down, fire hazard, the Town Hall for
example, why haven’t the owners been forced to develop or demolish it?
The Council has also invested in the Gas Road car park but there seems
to be no plans for a manned ‘bike-park’ so cyclists can lock up their
bikes securely in town. This would save on air pollution, reduce the
numbers of cars entering town as well as encourage people to be
healthier.
Cllr Russell Roberts mentions that the town is ‘outdated’ and predicts
the new town will ‘become a major visitors’ destination’. We hope so as
well and I’m sure with all shops, cafes and new business river-facing
and made from sustainably sourced local materials complete with solar
panels for power we shall indeed become less outdated.
The Brown Lenox site would have been better with a smaller store, as a
large Sainsbury will just take business away from the town’s smaller
businesses. Let’s hope that Sainsbury at least donate some money to
cleaning up and restoring the canal as part of their infiltration into
Pontypridd.
As for the new Precinct – will Precinct II, The Return of the Precinct
be any better? In 30 years time (or less) will people be saying the same
thing? But what exact message a new Poundland store is supposed to send
out to would-be visitors I dread to think? Is this for real? An anchor
store or just a sick joke? What image is that creating for other
would-be investors? Why not small local independent traders at reduced
rents instead?
Whether the powers that be succeed in creating their ‘major destination
for the future’ only time will tell. I really hope they do. But in the
meantime I’m digging out my New Zealand emigration papers.
Cuts, Cuts And More Cuts
Hands up who remembers Thatcher? The blonde gorgon, wrecker of industry, the destroyer of dreams and decency. Well, compared to Cameron and Osborne she’s the loveable aunt, full of caution and restraint!
For the record ‘Corrie’ gets 18 million week in, week out whilst the three leaders got 9 million in an historic one-off event. Priorities people!
OK, maybe they were trying too hard or afraid to make a mistake. Most agree that the Lib Dems’ Nick Clegg won but one word all of them failed to mention was ‘Wales’. Mmm?
So if not one of the big three who do you vote for? Here’s a quick look at some of the other parties manifestos.
The Greens offer to create a million new jobs, reform the tax system and introduce a ‘living wage’ of £8.10 an hour. Although not standing, worth a mention was comic Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown who offered to make beer 10p a pint and take a £1 off a litre of petrol, while UKIP / BNP (delete as applicable) promise to scrap Wales altogether!
Well, that just leaves us with the Monster Raving Loonies who offer to ban terrorists from having beards as it makes them look scary and want political leaders forced to undertake a lie detector test in case they’re telling fibs.
Here’s a few more: All socks to be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one. Make it illegal for super heroes to use their powers for evil.
On obesity in kids - If you want your kids to be less fat… feed ‘em less and finally education, where they suggest as well as using computers in schools, children should be taught to reed, rite, and appreciate rock.
Which brings us not so neatly back to the madhouse that is Ponty. Who do we vote for as Dr Kim ‘shredder’ Howells MP steps down? Our choices are Surrey based Owen Smith, ex- Cowbridge Comprehensive pupil Ioan Bellin or local boy Mike Powell. One think is certain – if you don’t get off your backside and vote you can’t moan about things staying the same afterwards.
And I leave you with a question? Who is the longest serving party leader in British politics? Answer: Lord Sutch. It’s a funny old world.
Note: This column wasn't published in the Pontypridd Observer on the build up to the election even though it was asked for and submitted twice.
Tweens
Most of us would agree that kids are growing up too quick these days.
But when I say kids I’m not talking about teenagers binge drinking in
our Park or Bebo gangs terrorising each other for nonconformity in chic
street-wear. No, I’m talking about our ‘tweens’. Yes, I spelt it right.
Tweens are the new group (children aged between 8 and 12) which
marketers (the new estate agents in my view) have targeted with the very
latest ‘make parents poor’ schemes.
You must have noticed that in between the latest episode of Peppa Pig or
Lazytown there is an advert for make up or hair curlers. Unfortunately,
Tweens are becoming more like teens, leaning more toward teen styles,
attitudes and behaviour.
Already we have young kids describing themselves as "flirtatious, sexy,
trendy, and cool." Among the products targeted at this age group are
body paints, scented body oils and tween-sized bikini panties.
Tweens are also demonstrating many of the deviant ‘risk behaviours’ we
usually associate with adolescence. Crimes committed by this group have
increased in the last decade, tweens are becoming more sexually active
whilst drugs and alcohol are also seeping into their culture.
Think about the glossy women’s magazines read by young girls in their
thousands these days, or the ridiculous ‘school prom’ culture seeping
into less aware primary schools. There is a growth in eating disorders —
anorexia and obsessive dieting, especially amongst girls, as a result of
a premature fashion-consciousness.
What causes this and how can we stop it? Well, I’d blame absentee
parents and a sexualised and glitzy, media-driven marketplace.
The loss of family life invariably expands the power of the peer group.
Boys understand that their popularity depends on "toughness,
troublemaking, domination, coolness, and interpersonal bragging and
sparring skills." Girls derive status from "success at grooming,
clothes, and other appearance-related variables.” Popularity is gained
through romantic success and material possessions.
With less life experience and less self-awareness, pre-adolescents have
fewer internal resources to fall back on. Kids are having much less time
to develop into individuals.
A recent survey suggests most British parents think childhood is over by
11. Personally, I believe that childhood is a precious time which is
being overrun by adult notions, ranging from what extra-curricular
activities kids should do in their spare time to the crazy Health and
Safety inspired ideas of what’s just too risky nowadays.
Think about the effect of an hour of ‘soaps’ on your toddlers? And
remember if you’re kids are watching 2 hours of telly they’ll get 15-20
minutes of commercials from most channels!
In contrast, Australian youngsters grow up much slower. Advertising on
children’s TV channels is banned by government. Kids there, are kids
longer, they have a more active, outdoor lifestyle, beach, bike and
water activities to name but a few healthy distractions available to
them.
Many studies also point to rising obesity and lack of muscle tone as
being directly attributed to sedentary lifestyles and fast foods. So get
outside with your kids, sit on the grass, ride a bike, walk to the
shops. To not grow up too fast means not taking things so seriously. Not
being driven by a strict time table. Not allowing yourself and your
children to be consumed by schedules and stress.
The Times They Are a Changin'
Dylan spoke of the times a changin’ and this particular Happy New
Year it seems to me they are. In Pontypridd town centre alone
Woolworths, Adams, Ferraris, Candle Girls, Ferraris, Rosebys, various
card shops, shoe shops and other businesses are all closed with M&S just
an outlet store. It would be a brave man who’d predict that there’ll be
no more in 2009.
We can blame Robert Peston, the credit crunch or the increase in
internet shopping on the Pontypridd Town website but many people believe
that this is the beginning of the end for the high street store and I
happen to agree with them.
But, looking on the bright side... we’ll all have to save time and money
shopping via the web and waste less money on polluting petrol and high
car parking charges. Think of the leisure time we’ll have? At last I’ll
have time to read “The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists”!
Who knows, maybe the backward town planners and greedy developers will
start to see things differently and the future will be brighter than an
orange?
In fact the future for towns all over the UK has to be to combine
existing retail interests with much more stress-free and enjoyable
activities otherwise we’ll all just stay indoors out of the sun and get
Rickets!
A "green and pleasant" land Britain may not be anymore with so much
rubbish, plastic bags and litter everywhere but it is green and pleasant
things which tend to make us smile so surely this is the direction we
need to go in.
We do need cafes, pubs and eateries. We do need more parkland. Squares
(or circles) with statues of local heroes, fountains and local artwork.
Galleries and museums to make us proud of our heritage and optimistic
for the future. We must have a sports centre and a swimming pool in town
– these are priorities. A healthy population is a happy one.
Cycle tracks and walkways should be policed by cycling and walking
policemen and women. We need music venues. I’ll leave theatres to the
big city.
If we want more people in town it has to be a nice place to come to. We
need to make our town beautiful and crime free. Shop owners need to
clean their shop fronts, council needs to get rid of chewing gum from
pavements, police need to fine litter louts and big property owners must
be forced to develop, clean up or look after their properties. Can you
image Bath, York or Windsor councils letting huge derelict buildings
stand empty in their towns? Compulsory purchase them RCT!
Proper pedestrianisation, more trees and people living in eco-friendly
housing in town might also help?
Buildings these days should all be sustainable of course. I can’t make
out the solar panels on the roof of St Catherine’s empty car park yet
but I’m sure they’re there – be incredibly stupid of any forward
thinking council not to force a developer to include them wouldn’t it!?
Ok, so what will this year bring? Well, a few things are certain. We
will have loads of debate regards the new town development because after
30 yrs of waiting we are told it's finally happening.
Fingers crossed they don't just pour concrete on things and call it done
but take on board what every sane person knows (see above if you’re not
sane or just a greedy bastard).
And finally, as Wales look to a third Grand Slam in recent years, the
prospect of a new valleys region seems more likely than ever and that
can only bring much needed revenue into town. So who knows maybe 2009
will finally be our year. Dylan willing.
To Haka Or Not To Haka
Graham “…just tutted at my daughter’s Welsh shirt when we said hello
last summer in Dunedin town centre…” Henry has said Wales’ silent stance
in response to the haka was disrespectful. Mmm? Ok, let’s analyse the
haka and ask him if he wants to see a more traditional Celtic response
then.
The haka is a traditional dance performed by the Maori of New Zealand
(i.e. not the pasty white, mostly Scottish immigrants). Indeed some haka
are performed by women and some by children.
Haka are performed for amusement, to welcome distinguished guests or to
celebrate great achievements as well as by warriors before a battle in
order to intimidate the opposition.
Various actions are employed in the performance of a haka, including
facial contortions (like tasting a dodgy pint of Brains), poking out the
tongue (think WRU), slapping the hands against the body and stamping of
the feet (the WRU reply to a call for a valleys region). As well as
chanted words, a variety of cries and grunts are also used (like we hear
on a Saturday afternoon down chip alley).
So, what about the ancient Celts?
Well, it seems we just loved war (we’ll call it rugby in the build up to
us lifting the Webb Ellis trophy in 2011). And of course if a war wasn't
happening we’d be sure to start one. The Celts were nutters from the
word go really, and perhaps now is the time for Gatland’s team to adopt
some of the ancient customs?
The Wales team could array themselves as fiercely as possible, and
charge into battle fully naked, dyed blue from head to toe, screaming
like banshees to terrify the enemy. Ryan Jones are you listening? The
women want more than a calendar next year!
The Celts also took great pride in their appearance in battle (Gavin
Henson at centre I hear you cry), judging by their elaborately
embellished weapons, golden shields, breastplates (Valley Boy tee
shirts), ornamented helmets (bobble hats or scrum-caps – take your pick)
and trumpets (those bloody kids hooters again!).
The Celts also used light chariots (National Express buses will have to
do now though), drawn by two horses, that they would throw spears at the
enemy from before dismounting with heavy slashing swords.
But it wasn’t all good of course, as often the Welsh fans had a habit of
dragging families and sandwiches (corporate hospitality) along to their
battles, which often cost them a victory, as we found out when we played
the All Blacks the other week.
The Celts also liked to behead their opponents in battle (think Mortlock
and Roberts) and it was considered a sign of prowess and social standing
to have a goodly number of heads to display.
The main problem with the Celts was that they couldn't stop fighting
amongst themselves (just think Welsh Assembly, regional rugby, Moffett,
WRUin, Samuels, Peter Pies, C****** et al) long enough to put up a
unified front. Each tribe was out for itself (just think Blues or
Turks), and in the long run this may cost us dearly.
But, if Henry thinks our 2008 response was disrespectful maybe he should
think about the alternative and hope we don’t start getting all
sentimental for the past.
Autumn Woe
Last week I broke my post-Muppet oath of allegiance to the cause. I
had sworn that I’d never give a penny of my hard earned… umm, pennies,
to the Welsh Rugby Union until they return top flight rugby to the
valleys.
Anyway, we queued for an hour and spent £45 on three tickets in order to
take my daughter to the Millennium Stadium to see a bunch of Canaries
play Canada. The Canaries won apparently. The crowd of course was more
interested in the rather average “Mexican wave”. I must admit I’ve seen
better and I’ve never even been to Mexico.
Anyway, I digress. The reason for this week’s outpouring of
pre-Christmas (wait for it) grumpy old man style moaning is that the WRU
won an award this week. Oh Dawkins! Did I laugh when I read that the WRU
has been voted the world's top union at a global convention for the
business of running the game!
WRU boss Roger Lewis said: "This is a fitting accolade for all the
people who work so hard to make Welsh rugby what it is today." A panel
chaired by ex-All Black Sean Fitzpatrick made the decision – you’d think
he’d know better! Then I read that the WRU beat South Africa who were
put in second place. Ah, there’s a connection here. We all know the game
in South Africa is in turmoil so perhaps they just got the reverse order
envelopes backwards?
Anyway, back to the Canaries match. Is it me or is some bloke going to
get a flag stuffed up his coalmine and a hooter pushed down his son’s
throat if he allows said child to wave in my face and blow in my ear one
more time when I’m trying to educate my own beloved regards the new ruck
laws?
And as for those half a dozen hooligans with the foghorn doing rather
feeble DIY Jesus impressions (nails through their eyebrows and
unmanageable hair) when will they stop swearing and abusing equally
retarded young girls who have obviously got the date of Take That’s
reunion tour mixed up. “It’s Shane Williams not Robbie, you idiots!”
So, as a result of this non-rugby crowd at the stadium the next time I
fancy a good night out I’m not going to waste my money on watching Wales
play badly whilst looking like the cast of High School Musical, I’m off
to a comedy club.
Where will the Rugby Exbo Convention be next year?
The 5th Region
Wales has 3 million people, most of them live in the south Wales
valleys yet we don’t have a top flight rugby team here. Wales is 130
miles from North to South yet our 4 rugby 'regions' are all M4 based and
no more than 2 miles from the sea. I’m not going to mention global
warming yet...
So a region in north Wales makes sense and a region in the valleys makes
sense. Two new regions or one then? There is no question the WRU can
afford them – look at their online accounts if you don’t believe me.
Just this week the Millennium Stadium reported a record £50m turn over
last year, making a £3m profit. As a result the WRU were able to
increase funding to Welsh rugby clubs and its four rugby regions by
£0.3m to £15.2m.
A quick trawl of the 'web' produces the following Welsh qualified
players not first choice for one of our four regions:
Aled Thomas (London Welsh), Tom Cheeseman (Bath), Matthew Watkins
(Gloucester), Lee Thomas (Sale), Matthew Jones (Worcester), Nick Macleod
(Sale), Jason Strange (Bristol), Gareth Morgan (Worcester), Cerith Rees
(Doncaster), Dai Flannagan (Pontypridd), Dwayne Peel (Sale), Alex Walker
(London Welsh), Wayne Fury (London Irish), Liam Davies (Brive), Ryan
Powell (Worcester), Rhys Downes (Pontypridd), Michael Owen (Saracens),
Alix Popham (Brive), Gavin Quinnell (Worcester), Lee Beech (?), Richie
Pugh (?), Rhys Shellard (Pontypridd), Gareth Delve (Gloucester), Brent
Cockbain (Sale), Will James (Gloucester), Andy Newman (Glasgow), Mike
Powell (London Welsh), Robert Sidoli (Bristol), Peter Sidoli (Calvisano),
James Goode (Manawatu), Ben Broster (Northampton), Chris Horsman
(Worcester), Duane Goodfield (Dragons), Mefin Davies (Leicester), Eifion
Williams (Sale), Darren Morris (Worcester).*
That is a lot of Guinness Premiership players, without looking at our
squashed regional benches, overseas based players, the talented Wales
under 20’s team, premiership clubs, up and coming youngsters or a few
high quality foreign imports.
We have coaches Phil Davies, Mike Ruddock, Lyn Howells, Rowland Phillips and Lyn Jones not
involved in a Welsh region.
And of course for us here in Ponty we can ask the question - how many
Ponty fans watch the Blues? Answers can be found on the local rugby club
terraces, the Rugby League ground at Bridgend, the Liberty Stadium and
local DIY stores!
It’s just a thought but what are RCT doing in relation to a possible 5th
rugby region? A lot of money would be brought into the area from
visiting fans, increased tourism, beer sales, merchandise. Who is
responsible for Sport and Tourism in RCT? Have they met up and talked
about the huge potential of a 5th region and formulated an action plan
to present to the WRU? Have the Chamber of Trade convened an emergency
meeting to also press the WRU for serious consideration of a region
here? Have Ponty RFC given figures of fans attending games at Sardis to
the WRU in a hope of persuading them to locate this region in
Pontypridd? Has the University of Glamorgan offered training facilities
for the regional team?
Oh, and just one more question, how many players have signed for Wrexham
this year?
*Players/clubs etc. correct at time of writing
Tourism Ponty Style
A recent review of tourism in Wales by our heritage minister said no
tourist should leave without a "genuinely Welsh experience in its
content, spirit and sense of place". So for Pontypridd would that mean a
tour of the old Brown Lennox site, a photographic stop at the
underground car park taking in that unique urine smell, a world class
shopping experience up above in the precinct and a leisurely stroll
around the charity shops?
The huge report claims Wales has relatively few cultural icons and sets
out recommendations. It states: "A failure to heed these lessons and to
learn from best practice will give Wales a lagging tourism economy and,
increasingly, an unattractive visitor destination”. Really? But didn’t
we have a fantastic party filled 2006? You remember the wonderful
celebrations for The Old Bridge and the National Anthem don’t you? A
whole year of fabulous hangover thanks to the Welsh Assembly, Welsh
Tourist Board, RCT and the town council.
The minister also says Wales must "aspire to equal the best cultural
tourism experiences in the world" and that culture was "fundamental" to
tourism and should be a mainstream activity in all aspects of tourism
development and marketing. Ok, how about ten pints of Magners, a
Saturday night brawl, a kebab through bloodied teeth and a visit to A &
E at Royal Glamorgan?
Far fetched? Take Northern Ireland. There's more tourism than terrorism
in Belfast these days. In parts of the city where even the army feared
to tread, camera-toting visitors are now bussed in. Companies set up by
ex-republican and ex-loyalist prisoners offer firsthand accounts of the
bad old days in their warring neighbourhoods.
Our minister also said that tourism had to capitalise on its assets and
added that local community festivals and events in Wales make a
significant contribution to local economies and "give visitors a sense
of place".
Beguiling words indeed and whilst tourism is important what I want to
point out to the minister is that some of us have to live here every
day. Don’t we deserve a “sense of place” too?
Original bullshit -
click here
Greening our Towns
I used to be a member of Greenpeace, Friends of the Earth, you name
it. If it involved pretty girls in baggy sweaters, lentils and tree
hugging I was in! But since graduating I’ve been far less active, or
have I? I turn off my energy efficient lights, I’ve sold my car, I
hardly ever watch TV (why would I?) and put on jumpers in winter to save
on the gas bill but all these things are as part of earning too little
amidst rising energy costs as they are part of my green intentions.
Reducing our carbon footprint to combat climate change seems like a good
thing to do even though it’s probably sun spots that we really need to
worry about. Yet most people believe it’s all about denying ourselves
fun, i.e. less shopping, less travel etc. but I don’t think it has to be
that way and believe many changes should come from government and local
authority first. Over to you RCT!
For a start let’s forget Al Gore and his nine inconvenient untruths
(High Court, London, 2007), his huge global business empire and his own
mansion that uses more electricity in a month than the average American
household uses in a year!
We need to reinvent our towns, redesigning the way they work and
changing the way we live. Many towns import their energy, most of it not
green. The trick is to harness and capture the energy that is already
there from the Sun, ground and air, and create local energy distribution
systems.
Firstly, the buildings of today will be around for many, many years, so
it's their energy performance that must change. Keeping an even
temperature inside a building means insulating them, so there should be
grants or local tax incentives available to help people green their
homes? Homeowners are more sensitive to energy costs because they have
to pay for them directly. But office buildings are sometimes shockingly
energy-inefficient and wasteful. I wonder how 'green' the new primary
school in Trallwn is or the new car park and offices at St Catherine’s
for example? Windmills? Solar panels?
Secondly, how do we get to work or shop? Car sharing schemes anyone?
Cutting private car use generally means civic leaders being prepared to
risk a few brave decisions. For example, when a new suburb was built in
the German city of Freiburg, they ran a tram service from the moment the
first resident moved in. This meant empty trams at first, but now nearly
half of its residents are car free. Do we have a genuine transport
choice in the valleys?
Is it just as cheap and convenient to go by bus, tram and local train as
it is by car? Until it is, heavy traffic will continue to put people off
walking and cycling, which are healthiest and greenest. And why aren’t
new road developments built with proper, safe cycle lanes alongside?
Thirdly, what about hugging trees? Well, first off we need trees to hug.
Are lots more big trees being planted? Are acres of new allotments
available for us to grow our own or are local councils looking to sell
them off to housing developers? Are parks and other green spaces being
properly maintained? Greenery is critical to counterbalance urban heat
from hotter summers, when night-time temperatures remain high because of
heat retained by brick and tarmac. Plants only cool the air if they stay
green, which means capturing heavy winter downpours instead of letting
them just flood the drains. Water storage can be cunningly disguised as
beautiful water features. And greening a place properly includes the
roofs. In Sheffield, even bus shelters have green roofs to filter
pollution.
There will be something else common to all truly sustainable towns: they
will be more prosperous than unsustainable ones. This is because carbon
emissions are only one sign of the inefficient way in which natural
resources are being used.
As resources dwindle, economic pressure will grow to use them more
wisely. Future-proofing a town means creating the markets for green
businesses and green technologies, and designing the space and
facilities to support them. In a well-designed, sustainable city, most
residents believe their future and their progress are linked to its
future. If you are on a low income, you may have little choice about
where you live. So with fuel prices soaring, you want to live somewhere
served by affordable public transport. You want your local authority to
help with home insulation, and invest in local green energy which will
protect you from perennial price hikes. Whether you are looking at
London leading on congestion charging, or San Francisco leading on solar
power or recycling, it is clear that strong civic leadership matters
most of all. We need that kind of vision, backed by serious investment,
when it comes to planning and managing the towns of tomorrow. Why isn't
it happening in Wales? Ask a politician to explain.
And remember, making people proud of where they live cuts crime and
makes people happier too.
Pool For Thought
I read a story in the Rhondda Leader recently about how certain
residents were less than happy when their swimming pool and sports
centre was closed and also with the £6 million of RCT council tax money
that has been spent on improving leisure facilities in the Rhondda. I
didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Perhaps they should come to Ponty instead and enjoy our state of the art
sports centre, Olympic swimming pool, gym, sauna and numerous function
rooms?
What next? Will Cynon residents be complaining they don’t get a fair cut
of the RCT pie? Will they be demanding a new airport, zoo, botanical
gardens and ski lift in order to keep up with the Jones’s of the other
valleys?
Well, I for one am fed up with friends from the BBC asking me if I know
of any other locations they can use for post-nuclear Cardiff for the
next Torchwood or Dr Who series.
“Why ask me?” I say. “You’re from Ponty aren’t you?” they reply in all
seriousness.
It’s getting embarrassing. I’ll be telling them I don’t live in Ponty
soon but “lower Porth”, or “southern Mervfa”. Ok, only kidding, but why
are we always last to benefit from council spending when even a blind
Dalek with it’s goo removed can see Ponty needs more than Taff Street
dug up and left.
Here’s a radical idea, albeit a very old one! RCT builds a brand new
sports centre and swimming pool on the old Brown Lennox site. At least
then we are in the running next time £6 million of our money is dished
out very near to the home of the leader of the council for
refurbishment. Reminds me of when Cefnpennar was the centre of spending
in RCT and Charlie Dimmock came to town, but that’s another story.
Now much as I like Billy Piper and Catherine Tate popping into
Clwb-y-Bont for bottles of wicked strength cider I’d prefer they came to
town to enjoy our other leisure facilities – namely a swimming pool and
nice hot sauna – I’m free Tuesdays…
Land Glorious Land
The Brown Lennox site is a disgrace. A once proud, world famous
landmark that produced chains for the British Navy’s finest now only
attracts urban decay photographers or film makers looking for a set for
their forthcoming apocalyptic alien B-movie. In fact I did hear a rumour
that Dickie Attenborough was considering using the site for his latest
blockbuster – Jurassic Park in Baghdad!
In fact, for all visitors to Pontypridd or those travelling along the
A470 or hopeless new road system (although that’s another story) the
Brown Lennox site is like a huge advertisement for the town. Motorists
passing exclaim “Is it the Bronx?, “Is it Beiruit?, “No – it’s Ponty!”
People need to know who is responsible for this eyesore. The council
will probably get the blame for not forcing the owners to do something
with the property but why so much silence? Why no news? Has a dodgy deal
been done?
Ok, so what is to be done with this huge piece of derelict land?
Will it be used to make someone rich by being sold to a housing
developer? They could name the new site 'Hyper Value View'.
Will it be sold to the council who would probably get a WAG grant to
build more offices for more office workers, only to see them left empty
as soon as the grant money runs out that subsidises Polish paperclip
counters or some car insurance/mobile phone/broadband (delete as
applicable) call centre?
Will it be given completely free of charge to the Market Company who
will apply for and somehow get a billion dollar grant from RCT and turn
it into a members only roller disco and nightclub for their friends and
family?
One thing is for sure, with so much land right in the heart of town the
Brown Lennox site is a potential goldmine. I wonder if the eventual use
will benefit the residents of town?
Call me idealistic but why can’t the council buy the land and build a
state of the art sports centre and Olympic-size swimming pool on the
site? There should be enough room left over for some low-rise flats and
local shops amid more parkland. Perhaps even a skate park for the kids?
They could open a small visitor centre / environmental centre for
tourists and our school kids and clean the canal up. There could be an
exit to the A470 on the new roundabout thus easing traffic congestion
from the retail units.
Whatever happens to the site though, whether we the residents get
something to benefit us or someone ruins a great opportunity as they
have with St Catherine’s corner we need to do something soon before
those lovely’s from ValleyWood start coming here.
History
It was Samuel Brown (1774-1852), formerly of the Royal Navy, who
patented a stud-link wrought iron chain, suitable as ships' anchor
cables, and began manufacturing in 1803. In 1808 he formed a partnership
with his cousin Samuel Lenox and they traded as Samuel Brown & Co Ltd
until 1823. The firm's anchor cables were adopted by the Royal Navy in
1810. In 1812, the partners selected a site for their London works at
Millwall (Middlesex), close to the Royal Dockyard at Deptford. In 1818,
an additional site was acquired at Pontypridd, because of its proximity
to supplies of iron and coal. The Newbridge Chain Works, as it became
known, grew rapidly in size and reputation, and from the mid nineteenth
century was sole contractor to the Royal Navy for the supply of anchor
chains. From 1818, the firm manufactured cables suitable for
construction of suspension bridges. The prestige of this contract
brought orders from merchant shipping companies, passenger lines, and
leading engineers such as Thomas Telford and Brunel. The factory closed
in 2000.
Committees
Hands up who loves Wales? No, not the recently crowned Grand Slam
champions, not the country of daffodils or male voice choirs. No, I mean
Wales – the concept, the idea, the vision. That thing that really
defines us all – committees.
Wasn’t it a committee that voted our politicians a huge pay rise for
extra workloads? As one nobody commented a few weeks ago “…our workload
has doubled…”. Which seeing as politicians only work about half a year,
by definition must have meant they only worked a quarter of a year
beforehand. And all that for £47,000.
The most famous committee in the world – the WRU, got rid of the Celtic
Warriors, ripped the heart and soul out of the whole country yet weren’t
responsible. It wasn’t me they all said. It was the committee that done
it!
Then there is my favourite. That age old Welsh thing of being a big fish
going around in ever decreasing circles until you disappear up your own
working party in a small pond. Far better than making a difference. Far
better than stretching yourself, or mucking in with the masses … why not
sit back, comfy in your air-con office and empire build.
Take the Welsh Poetry Competition. A high profile, hugely successful,
international poetry competition, originated in Ponty but already
attracting interest amongst over a hundred UK writing circles, numerous
global Facebook groups, known from Santiago to Scotland. Soon to be
promoted in the world famous Hay-on-Wye literature festival and aiming
to be the biggest poetry competition in Wales. You’d assume any fish,
regardless of the size of their stagnant pool would leap at the chance
to be involved in such a prestigious event wouldn’t you? Any takers?
Maybe someone will form a committee to think about it?
Meanwhile we have a new sign in town, telling us who we’re twinned with.
Do they do inertia in Germany? Then of course I hear that our local
police force budget is to be cut while the politicians in Cardiff get a
pay rise. Does anything make sense these days?
Maybe the constabulary should stop work to form a committee too? Maybe
we all should? But then again, who’ll decide that? Think about it.
Fishing For Success
What is the biggest sport in Wales today? Fishing of course. Only a
simpleton would say otherwise. But before we consider the glow of the
dawn, the line arching into the water, let's just clear up a few things
from my last column.
The intentional overuse of the phrase 'Sack the WRU' and the clear
summing up was obviously meant to highlight the main problem in Welsh
rugby and to throw light on the solution. The WRU board can only be got
rid of by the clubs, so it is therefore their responsibility.
Ok, fishing then. Many will believe that the WRU rod has been in the
water for some time now, waiting to snatch a big, fat, juicy coach to
lead Wales forward to victory in the next RWC, but I see it in a
different way - the way of the Graham Henry beach-front retirement home,
the Steve Hansen property portfolio plan or the multinational chain of
stylists known to one and all as Hair by Scott. I would never go so far
as to suggest that Mumbles is now owned by Mike Ruddock or that from now
on all caravans sold in Wales will be by Gareth Jenkins Inc. but I do
believe that Mr Gatland, great coach that he is, someone who will no
doubt bring huge short-term success to Wales, has really been the one
dangling his worm in the WRU pond.
And as usual, they have fallen for it hook, line and sinker. According
to Mr Pritchard from last week, “The WRU structure is the envy of the
rugby world…”. Mmm? Perhaps it was this 'great' structure that delivered
defeat against Fiji? I’ll let the readers work that one out.
And so this brings us neatly back to structure, or lack of it and
whether there is money for central contracts or if benefactors should be
involved in regional rugby at all. No money eh? The mystery deepens. We
have higher than ever ticket prices, a share in RWC revenue,
merchandise, corporate hospitality, pop concerts, football matches and
Monster Truck displays yet we can’t afford central contracts? Between
1999 and 2006, the Millennium Stadium generated a colossal £750m for the
Welsh economy principally in and around Cardiff and during the 2006/2007
financial year the WRU had an income of £44 million. During the year to
31 May 2007, more than £11m was paid directly to the four regions. No
money?
Anyway, back to reality and the mere £1m for Mr Gatland that the WRU
have found under the 'boilie' tray. I wonder if we’ll see them on telly
all week telling us it’s “Messiah Part II – the return of the Cup” or
whether the clubs will be brave and do as me and my friends in the media
have been begging them to do for many years - dig out the 'maggots' and
feed them to the fish.
The Master Plan
Well, the Rugby World Cup is over for another four years and the Welsh rugby team still haven’t won it. In fact, some would say they never will unless there is a revolution in our National sport.
So here are my humble suggestions to improve our game and give us a chance of competing in the next tournament:
One, sack the WRU.
Two, central contracts.
Three, summer rugby, which means less people lost to football and bad
weather, more fans encouraged to support the game (including women),
BBQ's, drinking outside as well as in, a more relaxed atmosphere and
family days out.
Four, 5 or 6 teams or regions (including a valleys region of course).
Five, the Celtic League starts and finishes.
Six, the European Cup starts and finishes.
Seven, the Six Nations starts and finishes.
Eight, get Argentina and/or Georgia added to make it an 8 Nations.
Nine, sack the WRU.
Ten, get a professional board in with an elite performance director.
Eleven, have coaches, referees and fitness coaches graded, assessed etc.
so they are all pushing standards upwards and more importantly pushing
standards in the same direction.
Twelve, have the smaller clubs domestic season covering the Celtic
League & European Cup and no rugby during the 6 Nations so the “real”
fans can support Wales.
Thirteen, sack the WRU.
Fourteen, get the Irish and Scottish on board first, then persuade
England and France next.
Fifteen, limit foreign players to two per region.
Sixteen, encourage the regions to select only current/future Welsh
players instead of has-been’s or non Wales-eligible players in league
matches.
Seventeen, sack the WRU.
Mind you I could be wrong, look at what the glorious WRU are already doing and have done for the last umpteen years, and will probably continue to do for the next umpteen years…
One, they currently have no coach or procedure in place for getting
one when they lose one.
Two, they have winter rugby with it’s cold, it’s injuries, it’s
unattractive, boring, over-televised product.
Three, they have no region from the most talent-rich, populated part of
Wales.
Four, they have disenfranchised fans from said region
Five, there doesn’t seem to be a professional anywhere near the WRU.
Six, we have a crazy, disjointed, chaotic season structure.
Seven, we have far too many overseas players on a pension plan in too
few teams.
Eight, we are not nuturing young talent.
Nine, there are no central contracts resulting in uneven distribution of
players amongst the top 4 clubs.
Ten, we don’t have regions, we have 4 clubs.
Eleven, there is no 4 year plan to win the RWC.
Mind you, I blame the clubs. Why? Well, because there is a WRU committee meeting coming up soon and when it’s over none of the above will have changed.
Johnny's Bike
Johnny Wride, the Peter Pan of Cilfynydd Rugby Club, is selling his
mountain bike. “So what?” you say.
Well it seems that while Rugby World Cup fever grips a nation evil
developers are plotting, or should that be planning, to move Ponty RFC
from their “House of Pain” to Ynysangharad Park. Sardis Road has of
course been the home of our brave warriors since 1974 when they moved
from the Park to the new stadium. The phrase “a good week to hide bad
news” springs to mind, but hang on a minute…
What has this got to do with Johnny’s bike? Well, he often cycles to
Sardis to watch Ponty of course. He can’t be done for drink driving,
just drunk in charge of a GT4000, full Shimano kit etc. But if Ponty
move he’ll have to walk and sell his beloved machine.
Anyway back to the rugby. Wales have done well haven’t they!? Well, no
actually they haven’t. They seem forever caught in two minds. One wants
to frantically throw the ball around like it's a game of pass the parcel
in the former Yugoslavia and the other seems to want to select Stephen
Jones, have his babies and live happily ever after down in Dingly Dell
under the dumber and dumber tree waiting for Scarlet apples to drop on
their heads. And while we’re at it why play James Hook out of position?
Is it to make him look silly and undermine his confidence? He’s an
outside half or nothing for Tasker’s sake!
So as Cardiff Blues look to have a nice new super-duper stadium we have
to avoid molehills in the Park? There’s enough apathy regarding the
Welsh rugby team in this abandoned, over-populated and talent-rich part
of Wales but now it seems our only solace – our fantastic Premiership
team - is to be relocated to make way for approximately 100 flats, 54
houses and a small swimming pool.
I suppose an Ospreys-type stadium could be built on the Brown Lennox
site and we could keep our Park full of trees instead of cars, coaches,
ambulances etc. but unless a suitable alternative is found for the rugby
club it’s the end of Ponty as we know it. They’ll want a road through
the Park next – mark my words!
So while the real international rugby fever is mainly garlic or
kiwi-fruit flavour and our Sardis Road clubhouse has finally been
painted peach to match Johnny’s bike I’m thinking of taking up cycling
and heading off round the world to Auckland. At least they don’t want to
down-size their rugby ambitions there.
How much do you want for that bike John?
Ducks In A Row
Let me run this thought grenade past you guys. I want to start an
initiative. I want to initiate it in fact. Or at the very least set up a
working party to look into the feasibility of setting up an initiative.
That is, once our committee of like-minded facilitators is set up (or
initiated) and we’ve outlined a way ahead for our new initiative. But I
guess that goes without saying.
Anyway, to the crux of the matter! I’m going to cut straight to the
chase and go for it (if the committee deems it acceptable of course) and
kick off my initiative. Yes, straight away. Now. Without further ado…
Mmm? Wales. And the Welsh…
Firstly, don’t get me wrong, I love Wales and even love most things
Welsh (especially Katherine Jenkins, Cerys Matthews and Catherine Zeta
Douglas). But let’s be honest we are hopeless when it comes to making
decisions. Scotland are going to have smaller class sizes – done! Even
Gordon Brown has decided to choose a radical new cabinet. Wales’ is
toying with the idea of setting up a committee to look into whether we
should ban plastic bags… Mmm? This sort of inaction and indecision in
our so-called government makes us the laughing stock of the Western
world (Italy aside). People will be saying the WRU or the people
responsible for cleaning up Ponty baths are doing a good job next!
So that is why I’m going to start an initiative. It will be bold. It
will be direct. Efficient even? It will get things done. Achieve
results!
I’m going to set up an initiative whose job it is to oversee other
initiatives! There! How about that one?! I’ll get government funding,
yes you the taxpayers will pay. I’ll have more public money to give to
my cousin’s uncle’s sister who’ll design me a website describing my new
initiative. I’ll pay my friends (out of your taxes again) to work for my
initiative as well as have a well-paid board of directors to sit yearly
in a posh Cardiff hotel, all expenses paid with wives, girlfriends and
mistresses flown in, given free wine in order to assess the
effectiveness of my initiative. Of course if they decide that the
initiative isn’t working (i.e. the wine was crap) we simply re-brand it,
get another website designed by my dog and start all over again.
But that’s not all. We will have… wait for it. Pencils designed. And
stickers. We may even push the boat out and have Frisbees, badges and
leaflets. In fact I plan to spend eight million quid of taxpayers money
on our leaflets. We’ll translate them into the most obscure dialect
David Attenborough can find in Papua New Guinea (just in case they join
the EU see) and Bob’s your uncle! Well actually he’s not. He’s mine, and
also the director of the largest pencil making company in China, but
that’s another story…
Anyway, I confidently predict that if all incentivised parties involved
in our initiative can bring to the table a new and innovative approach
we can impact positively in a mission-critical way and leverage our
assets to sort out Wales in a jiffy. In a nutshell we’ll soon have all
our ducks in a row. Now that’s worth thinking about!
And always remember – the bigger the gorilla – the more fleas he has!
Need I say more?
Pushing Ponty
The Full Ponty kicks off again over the Whitsun bank holiday and
whilst everyone welcomes an occasion such as this which puts Ponty
firmly on the international music map let’s hope this years’ organisers
are slightly more aware of what makes a good festival and the mistakes
of last year are not repeated.
Firstly, after all the fuss, letters, complaints, protests, thousands of
posts on the Ponty Forum and threats of legal action we hope the
organisers will not be thinking about ruining our wonderful cricket
pitch again.
And secondly, let's hope everyone who visits our small town haven gets
to experience a very warm valleys welcome.
Headlining the event this year are local Ponty boys - the Lost Prophets
- who for the uninitiated have a huge global fan base, as well as a host
of other established and up and coming bands.
So, Ponty people, just like the Tom Jones gig we must all remember that
thousands of music fans will be coming to town from all over the world.
It is our duty then to show these fans a good time can be had in our
little town. A good ole valleys welcome with the streets cleaned, pubs
given extended opening hours, a healthy police presence and maybe the
town council investing in some flowers to pretty the town and Old Bridge
up perhaps? Shame we haven’t got the promised pedestrianisation of Taff
Street yet but never mind we could still close Taff Street off for the
day and have craft stalls, hippy t-shirt shops, food bars, postcards,
posters and photographs to promote Ponty and the valleys the length of
town. RCT could join forces with the organisers of Caerphilly’s Big
Cheese, we could even send delegates to Glastonbury for a weekend, all
expenses paid, contraceptives included…
Sadly though, we the local population have a huge responsibility to
promote the town ourselves because of a severe lack of promotion of our
town by The Pop Factory who, so far, have not even bothered to link from
their website to a single site in Pontypridd, in particular the hugely
successful Pontypridd Town website which got over 700,000 hits in April,
the Chamber of Trade website, the University of Glamorgan (students like
music don’t they?), Coleg Morganwg, the rugby or football teams. They
don’t even list places to stay in Pontypridd or nearby but just have a
link to a Welsh Tourist Board site that by it’s own admission cares only
for the Yen and US Dollar.
But whatever the powers that be decide to do or not to do let's hope
they don’t forget the people who live in town. Maybe this year our
children can be allowed access to the swings in their wonderful War
Memorial Park? Maybe the council will protect the cricket pitch? Maybe
the music promoters will provide and encourage plenty of fringe events,
like the excellent Mike Peters and Amy Wadge in Clwb-Y-Bont last year?
And maybe this year we’ll have more than a scrawny giraffe costume
walking through town to keep the ticket-less happy for the big day?
Where Have All The Students Gone? Far, Far Away
Do you know, I'm sure I heard someone say that Pontypridd is a
University town!? How strange then that we don't see many students
around town!
When was the last time you noticed any book clutching, academic, types
gathered around the organic food counters in our supermarkets, or
sifting through the clothes rails in the charity shops in search of that
rare piece of vintage clothing.
An even rarer sight these days, as rare as a Ponty rugby supporter in a
Blues jersey, would be to see a lesser spotted, trendy, scarf wearer in
a Ponty pub on the weekend.
So I did some research and it seems that the University has 21,326
students and 16,102 of them of them are actually Welsh! In a message
from Professor David Halton, Vice Chancellor on the University's website
he states that Glamorgan wants to build on "…its commitment to the
regeneration of its local region…" Hm!? Think about it. Exactly how many
of these 21,326 students do we see in town? We do sell lentils don't we?
Maybe Glamorgan's students don't like us much or are told not to come
into town by the Students Union? Maybe they are directed to the high
prices of the city centre and told trains don’t run north of Trefforest?
Of course, students today are far different creatures to what they used
to be. I can still remember the first time I ventured outside my digs in
Roath and walked up the dustbin crowded street, dressed in curry stained
jeans and Peter Gabriel tee shirt, as I made my way to the local corner
shop in the hunt for past their sell-by date vegetables for my cawl and
a few bottles of cheap sherry.
Ah! Yes, how times have changed. These day's students have iPods, trendy
haircuts and some even own their own shower gel! The posh ones have
designer gear, pizza deliveries and taxi's home from Cardiff. No walking
up the A470 with a stiff thumb for them!
Anyway, my point is this. Business in Ponty should be booming. Pubs and
clubs should be bursting at the seams on the weekends.
OK, so how do we encourage this multi-million pound trade into our
midst? How do we get students into town? Yes people, think students -
think cash tills!!!
Firstly, we have great places for such an influx, Clwb Y Bont and
Globetrotters stand out, but a whole host of other great pubs like the
Market Tavern, Llanover etc. would surely love some student cash. I'm
sure these drinking dens would be ideal radical hippy hangout territory!
Let's tell the students this at Freshers Fayre, i.e. promote Pontypridd
and what it has to offer.
Secondly, we ask, write, shout, email, embarrass in the newspaper’s the
Town Council, Town Forum, Chamber of Trade, RCT, local town councillor,
Ponty's AM, Ponty's MP etc. to get in touch with the powers that be and
the Students Union and have them promote the town and all it's glories -
past and present.
Having said that, it is plainly obvious that the University isn't
listening. Indeed, by looking at various pages on the University website
it is clear they are promoting Cardiff (there's even a photo of
Caerphilly Castle on one page!) ahead of Pontypridd. This is totally
unacceptable. Just the other week Clwb Y Bont put on a free bus from the
University so students could watch some superb young bands - no-one
turned up! Were they nobbled we ask ourselves!
So come on everyone! Let's try to put this right. Ponty needs the
students and the students need Ponty. Lets welcome them into our shops,
pubs, and into our local community and stop them being shunted south to
Cardiff and mediocrity.
Christmas Shopping
Is it me or is Christmas shopping like three days and nights with a
sex-starved Danish nymphomaniac? Something that only happens to other
people.
Maybe it’s my age? Maybe I’ve got no one to buy for? Or maybe I’m just a
grumpy old man now that I’ve reached forty.
OK, I love Christmas, it’s a time for family, for friends and of course
the children. Ah yes, the children… those cute little things that all
too soon learn that if they cry and scream loud enough when the Nick
Jnr. advert for Barbie in her horse drawn carriage with matching pink
princess accessories comes on the telly then more often that not the
said items will find their way into her bedroom a month later even
though their Daddy said there was no way on earth they were having that
crap this year! Thank God for second mortgages.
But apart from the kids I don’t seem to buy anything in the shops
anymore. I buy things online all year long of course, mainly ‘cos
they’re cheaper, they get delivered to my door, I save on petrol and car
parking charges when I go to Cardiff (I walk to Ponty in case you were
wondering) and I don’t have to put up with either the over-the-top
salesman approach when I’m casually browsing or the apathetic teenage
sulk and bad manners from youngsters who have better things to do with
their Saturday afternoons when I do need assistance… I think I am a
grumpy old man you know!
In fact, for the last few years, I find I’m buying more and more online,
I’m losing the art of conversation, of social interaction and even
losing those afternoons when I simply must go to the pub to catch up on
the rugby scores while she tries on another dress. Come to think of it I
don’t even know what dress size I am anymore! (Joke).
So this year I’m going to make a conscious effort to Christmas shop. I’m
going to endure the hordes, add my pollution pumping metal box to the
lines of red tail-lights, pay extortionate car parking fees, jostle with
the crowds, fight over DVD’s in the bargain bin with the other sad
shoppers, buy a jumper that’s three sizes too big for me and one I’d
never be seen dead in even if I did understand what fashion was all
about.
I’m going to consume things. Things I don’t want, things I don’t need.
In fact I’m going to buy things for other people that they don’t want,
that they don’t need and will end up in the same drawer under the bed as
my hideous sparkly Reindeer jumper.
Yes, I’m going to rejoice at the traffic jams, not moan about the rain,
the wind or cold weather, I’m going to spend hour after pointless hour
in queues, I’ll smile at everyone I meet, no matter how rude they are…
Mmm? Then again.
Perhaps I’ll do my Christmas shopping in Denmark this year?
Wales, Wales, Wales
Whatever ever happened to the singing in the Old Arcade, the smell of
sweat and stale beer, the sheepskin coated crowds that packed the bar,
and the signed photo of Barry John hanging on the wall like a Greek god
surveying his proud army? Whatever happened to a Valley-man's dreams?
The customary gallon of Dark and three pasties before kick off has now
become three Bitters, a tonic water for the missus, and a healthy tuna
salad sandwich. Once, there were swaying men in camel-skin overcoats,
standing nine foot two in their beards, who would wave their 'Children's
Enclosure' tickets at the little man on the turn-style, or offer him a
fiver and a wry smile. Now, the pubs are packed with "youth players",
all bulked with muscle from a supplement tin, fake tan faces, and more
gel on their hair than Charlotte Church.
In Cardiff there are so many bars to choose from that you'd need a
mobile phone to find a mate. The once great Albert is turned into some
sort of metal and plastic cesspool of haircuts and fashion accessories,
probably as a tax dodge for the new sponsors of our National team.
There's even a Hard Rock Café in Cardiff where the drinks are the same
price as the t-shirts. And we call this progress.
And the once heavily over-populated East and South enclosures have made
way for stands where English company executives sit with wives or
mistresses, blanket at the ready. The singing now is gone too - no
matter what they say on the TV! We know they, the media, and the
money-men, those men in suits, have killed our soul - our money diverted
to pay for tickets for various celebrities no-one has heard of.
I remember days like when me, Gas and Noel were youngsters. We were in
town with Tom Sawyer, who'd ripped the lining of his jacket, just so he
could smuggle us in some Barley Wine. And to make sure he wasn't spotted
he draped a big Welsh dragon flag over his back - very Notre Dame.
Served at fifteen in The Cambrian (anyone remember it?) we were, or "we
woz" as they say in Kai-diff.
And after the match, Brains Dark sloshing our virgin bellies, warm, with
the result in our favour, we'd get off the train, and face the biting
cold awaiting us on Ponty's train platform of pain. There'd be bodies
lying everywhere - some huddled, some shivering alone, most dazed and
confused. Then, with the day's work done, we'd cure our hoarse voices
with a night-cap, a few whisky's in the Half Moon, before staggering
across the road to The Greyhound for a few more. Whatever happened to
those old men that used to sing in the corner of The Greyhound? I used
to get served because I always ordered a pickled egg as well as my pint.
"Good value this youngster see! Look after 'em now and they'll be back
when they're older" I used to hear them say. We do go back... but things
have changed now.
Finally we'd make our way through Taff Street. Dodging staggering men in
bobble hats, two steps forward, one step back, one step into the road.
We carefully negotiated the chip wrappers laid out before us along the
worn out pavements. Leading us to sanctuary like some modern day yellow
brick road, back to the Llanover Arms, a quick shout at Winnie in the
bar before bedtime.
Whatever happened to the real rugby supporters? Can they even afford to
buy a ticket now? Do they even go to the match anymore?
I Had A Dream
Last night I had a dream! With the increasing proliferation of out of
town stores and shopping on the internet continuing to increase very
soon every small town centre in Britain will be deader than Ponty is at
the moment.
But this is no nightmare. We have a chance to create something special.
With Cardiff, our nations capital, only a short trip away, Caerphilly
and it’s castle even closer, the historic Rhondda, Cynon and Taff
valleys on our doorstep and the rugged Brecon Beacons beyond, Ponty
doesn’t need to compete. We already have much more than we need at hand.
Our solution – lets turn Ponty into a “Green Town”. Ponty is ideally
placed to become one of the best looking and most attractive towns in
Britain - it has history, setting, wonderful people and a beautiful Park
already here - you can't turn Milton Keyes into that can you? If you
dropped a bomb on the precinct you’d do £5 worth of damage so that is to
our advantage too - like Germany after the war we can redevelop our town
as we want. We can turn Ponty into a really great place to live.
State of the art sports centre and Olympic-size swimming pool on the
Brown Lenox site. Replace the precinct and car park with low-rise flats
and local shops amid more parkland overlooking the river – get people
living in town again. More pubs and clubs, more cafes. Lets turn Ponty
into the leisure and tourism centre of South Wales.
With vision Blaenavon has reinvented itself as a tourist book town –
Ponty is bigger and better! Lets abandon dreams of attracting
multinationals in order to turn our very special town into a carbon copy
of every other boring and bland town in the UK where one High Street
looks the same as the next – lets go for gold!
Pedestrianise Taff Street, plant trees along all our streets, get the
Circular Walk underway, no more cars, our house prices will rise as
pollution becomes a thing of the past, well-lit streets help police
police - crime falls, council can charge more council tax, Australians
will want to immigrate here for a better life.
Anyone in power brave enough to build a bright healthy future for our
children?
Samhain
I often wonder what our Celtic ancestors, or even the many Christian
preachers who once filled our chapels and churches up and down the
Valleys, would say if they could see us hiding behind the settee with
curtains drawn, TV and lights switched off, and the dog's mouth all
taped up the night before All Saints Day!... and all in fear of the
dreaded knock on the door from various miniature goblins or ghouls who
come a' calling that dreaded night, with a bag of flour at hand, should
we not be ready to hand over some cash or tasty treat!"
For the record, the traditional Christian celebration of All Saints'
Day, or All Hallows' Day, on November 1st came a day after the Celtic
harvest festival of the dead, or Samhain. Later on changed to All
Hallows' Even' or Hallowe'en.
But of course these days we do little to party – pagan or otherwise. We
do little to remember or celebrate why this holiday was so special. We
just embrace our pumpkins and witches hats, the plethora of costumes and
props sold from competing supermarkets and shops, all vying for who can
sell the most tacky throwaway modern American pop culture, that’s made
in China and destined to end the week in Wales’ overflowing landfill.
(In the United States, Halloween has become one of the most profitable
holidays, next to Christmas, for retailers).
Then we moan about the eggs and flour left on our cars and streets the
morning after. We moan about how Primary school age children are
learning the black arts of extortion and blackmail younger and younger
these days. So while we’re on the subject of trick or treating if we
must have Halloween, can’t we try to change it back to what it
originally was?
Halloween traditions today survive most accurately in Ireland, where the
last Monday of October is a public holiday. All schools close for the
following week, commonly called the Halloween Break. As a result Ireland
is the only country where children never have school on Halloween and
are therefore free to celebrate it in the ancient and time-honoured
fashion. If we did this in Wales we could even ditch Guy Fawkes night
and have our own Celtic beer and food festival, that lasted a week long,
culminating in a bonfire night of our choosing. After all, if Mr Fawkes
had succeeded what difference would that have made to us in third world,
post Welsh Assembly Wales anyway? Are you listening Mr Morgan?
Of course to some fundamentalist Protestants, along with conservative
Jews and Muslims the mingling of Christian and Pagan traditions for
Halloween, and its assumed association with the occult mean they
strongly object to the holiday and refuse to allow their children to
participate in what they regard as its Satanic imagery. Whilst other
more moderate Christian churches offer a harvest-themed alternative to
Halloween celebrations. Still other Christians hold the view that the
holiday is not Satanic in origin or practice and that it holds no threat
to the spiritual lives of children and the lessons taught about death
and mortality are actually a valuable life exercise.
Now then, hands up who’s for a week long family festival, starting on
Halloween, with a week off work, where we close Taff Street, erect a
huge marquee, serve hot food, real ale, mead, mulled wine, sell local
crafts and produce, have street entertainers and Celtic bands, all to
help us celebrate the end of summer and aid us in coping with the coming
months of ill-timed darkness! Until someone stops messing with our
clocks of course… ah, but that’s another story…
Merging On The Ridiculous
Published online at BBC Sport on 8th January, 2004
click here
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